-I need help on advising my boyfriend on handling stressful situations and feeling less overwhelmed. I'm 22 and hes going on 27. Being 27 he feels he hasn't really accomplished much of anything; a worthless job, no house of his own, no car, and living paycheck to paycheck. I myselft, at 22 (as of this thursday ) have a good job, car, and a place of my own. We have our good times, but often he's really just mellow.. almost too mellow to the point where we get into arguments because he really doesn't contribute conversationally wise. Small things upset him; he drops a cup of water accidentally or forgot to grab his wallet and he becomes soo overwhelmed and frustrated and sometimes to the point where he can't focus on solving whatever the situation may be and at times gets headaches. Now hes saying he hates people because his friends are always doing stupid stuff and put's him in situations where he has to save the day. He smokes everyday (literally) and even gets frustrated when he cant find weed. Even if i bring an issue to his attention, before i could even complete my statements, he get's frustrated and overwhelmed. I want him to be happy and actually smile which he doesn't do often. I want him to learn to instead of letting a sit overwhelm him to focus more on the solution than the problem itself. I try to get him to open up and talk but i still feel as if he leaves thing unsaid and built up. He say's that he doesn't deserve the things that he's going through because he works hard and always doing "things". In my opinion i don't think he works as hard as he thinks he does at all. The highlight of our day is heading home, smoking, and hanging out and probably going out once on the weekend. Even when I confronted him about the weed smoking by saying " I don't want a pot head boyfriend", he became angry and said it was ****** up that i would call him that because he isn't. It's ruining our relationship of 1 1/2 years, a very depressing situation to be in ( i've questioned my sanity because of it) and as i write this we are contemplating a break-up.. I know ive written a lot and most of it is just venting, but i need some sort of advise on the issue.Based on what you've written, I cannot possibly see why you're still with this guy.
As they say on the webs, DTMFA.
Many Happy Returns for Thursday! I don't expect you'll get any answers here that are positive about the future of your relationship. If there is a large differences in your finances, this alone will probably cause serious stresses. Can he go to night school and get better qualifications?
Your man is feeling very insecure, and he seriously lacks self respect at the moment. Hence he won't really be able to have much respect for you or anyone else (as you have discovered!). This must make him extremely difficult to live with. Not to mention the illegal drugs that can affect poeple's brains.
People fall madly in love, but the ecstasy, excitement, strong passions and desires, and high emotion are very hard to keep up, so eventually we start to come down, typically after around 18 months to three years. If people have discussed their mutual values, shared ambitions, interests, etc., in some depth (obviously there will be some differences, which help make relationships interesting), and make plans, work on their personal development, etc., this can develop into a long and wonderful relationship. If one party feels insecure or low in self respect, it can make for a difficult partner. It's easy to behave at our best when in love, but marriage involves a lot of self discipline, sacrifice, compromise and flexibility.
Teenage & 20s marriages are so very often disastrous in the longer term: it's very hard to get to know and understand others until we get to know ourselves, our own needs, etc. which are still fluctuating a bit until we are "mature" (typically women in mid 20s, men mid 30s). Hence, adolescents' feelings often fluctuate somewhat. This is a very good reason for avoiding the emotionally bonding sexual intercourse, as it can so often lead to serious emotional confusion.
You are youbg, and you both probably need to sort yoursleves out on your own (well he does!). Good Luck!
If you stay with him, it will only get worse. Imagine you're 42 and he's 47. You're going to be his "momma" and breadwinner; he's going to be home smoking and playing video games like a 20 year old. This man will be the father of your children--do you want him to be their role-model? DO YOU WANT HIS DNA IN YOUR KIDS?? You sound like a nice person who is trying like heck to make things work. Trust me--move on.
I think the drugs are affecting his brain. He needs to stop doing weed, it's really not for everyone because it can give you extreme mood swings and that's not healthy
Break up, there are a million guys out there who are better than him and who will treat you right.
If you're really intent on staying with him, then get him into therapy
I can't get over the feeling you're happy at having all this distress and attention. Almost like a musical just before everyone does a big dance number. "I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair!" and everyone does kick turns.
When people stay in one-sided, martyrdom relationships, it's always the same reasons. No spine. No self respect. No reason to think a caring person would want them. Standing up instead of groveling is a good place to start...and to end, if needed.
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