-Here is the background to this question.
I hate my boring, meaningless job. I work on a project which serves very little purpose beyond separating people from their money. But it pays very well 鈥?well into six figures.
I have a PhD and highly marketable knowledge and skills, and could find find interesting, worthwhile work, though it is unlikely that I could find something which pays as well as my current job.
The prospect of staying in my current job for much longer is intolerable to me, but my wife is dead set against any change. She is using every psychological trick in the book to keep me from changing.
She said that if I need to do something meaningful, I should find volunteer activities. I took her advice, but she soon started complaining about the time I spend on my volunteering, implying that it is a waste of time, and calling it a 鈥渉obby鈥?
I asked her whether she loved me or my paycheck, and she said the question was 鈥渋nsulting鈥?
As follow-up question: What should I do about this?she never asks you how you feel or if you are happy? I feel bad for you, because she is avoiding your question by saying it is insulting. What a way to deflect!
As you know, you have control over your own happiness.....if you were lying on your death bed and thought about your situation, what would think to yourself knowing your time is coming to an end? What personal advice would you give your son, if he is there with you holding your hand and he was in the same situation as you are now?
I think people forget to live in the now. You could die tomorrow and you will die unhappy if you did.
Money comes and goes, you can always remake it in time. Quit this job and find something you enjoy, you never know what new opportunities can come from it. If your wife loves you, she will support you through this.
She is using u break up with her. My grandad was poor wearing rags and working hard he found my grandma who accepted him as he was. In the next couple of years he worked jars saved money. He is now a multi millionaire who gives charity and never brags he is humble. Find a new women pretend you have a rubbish job if she accepts you it is true love.
If she has an issue with your decrease in salary if you were to change jobs, then I suggest she work (or get extra work) to make up the difference...
You're an adult...you should be able to figure out what path would lead best to your personal happiness and satisfaction...if you live your life for others, you will likely never really be happy...
Find a new job. You are not going to be able to be happy in life in general, including marriage, if you hate your job. Make yourself happy. Life's too short.
Man..seriously my opinion based on what you say is she is using you..dump her. Women only want one thing..money!
Marrying someone for the money is not so different from prostitution.
I think you as a person should do what you want to do. You do not answer to anyone but you. Your wife is your equal not your boss. If you are unhappy, I would think she would really care about that. You need to do what makes you happy. If she cannot take the cut in pay, she can work also or get used to it. Your happiness is what counts. Your job takes the majority of your life and if you are not happy, then your life sucks. You need to do what it takes to be happy with the short life you have. She needs to understand this. I am not saying she only wants your money but she is not thinking of your happiness at all.
The job market is very bad right now as you probably know.
Would a change involve a move?
If so, I would side with your wife.
The job is WHY they pay you, you must make some sacrifice for it, to maintain it.
If you did find something interesting, local, secure and just a little less $s that sounds ok.
And you are entitled to a hobby/volunteer - but again, how many hours are involved.
Your spouse sounds like she is just looking for stability.
You didn't say about any children, which would require additional consideration.
Many would be glad to change positions with you.
I think what you do for a living really makes a huge impact on...everything, really. I mean, how much satisfaction you get from your job and so on.
I think those are legitimate questions to be asking her if she cares more about having money than she does about you having a job that you don't hate.
I think she is being selfish. If she married you before you were rich, she probably cares for you, but isn't seeing that her selfish attitude is hurting you this much.
Explain to her how you feel (try to do it without blaming or accusing as women are very sensitive and if she goes into an emotional outburst, you won't be able to have a good discussion with her and will probably end up trying to apologize for hurting her feelings).
You are the husband, the man in the relationship, so I believe that even if she doesn't "approve" of you finding a new job, you are entitled to do so if it's your desire. I don't believe you are wanting to deprive her of the lifestyle to which she's become accustomed or take anything away from her, that you still want to provide for her and care for her as you have been doing. It sounds like you just want to move away from a job that's become an absolute drudgery to you, even if it means earning a little less.
I absolutely believe that I would be happier doing what I love doing and making less than doing what I hate and making more. It's often the people with the most money that are the most miserable and depressed and angry because they've come to realize that even having all they wanted, they are still not happy. People who still hope to get more money hold on to some distant dream that if they had a little more they would be happy.
If she doesn't believe in giving money to charity with how much you are making, I think that's for sure very selfish. A lot of the time, it's people who make very little that give the most to charity (by percentage), because they know what it's like to be in need and to suffer want and perhaps have even themselves been helped by a charity at some point or other.
If you are making more than 100,000 a year and she doesn't want to give money to charity, to people who have nothing, that's just pure greed right there. People can survive very comfortably on a lot less.
I think having less just might be what's good for her. She is spoiled.
If my husband was unhappy at his job, then I would be encouraging him to find a career he does enjoy. It's not me who's sitting there for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week totally miserable. So long as he's doing something productive and we can make ends meet, I don't really care where he works. In fact (much to my family and friends dismay) he works in a restaurant, and no it doesn't generate an enormous income (we still live pretty comfortably though). He's perfectly happy there, it's low stress, he doesn't have to deal with the general public, he's active all day....and when he comes home at night, he leaves his work where it belongs, at work. No he isn't an astrophysicist making $100,000 a year, but he's happy doing what he's doing, and therefore, i'm happy. I'd much rather a happy husband who has time to spend with me, and to live more frugally, than a mansion and 4 cars but a husband who is miserable and never around. Money can't buy happiness.
Your wife sounds like a real piece of work. Something between the traditional values of the man being the breadwinner, and modern values of valuing your career more than your personal happiness. I am so sorry you got caught up with someone like that. I would explain to her that this job is really affecting your mental well being, and really break down WHY (ie, give specific reasons you hate it). Then explain that getting a new job isn't going to send you to the poor farm, because she also might just be concerned with making ends meet, and thinks a job you love means you'll be destitute on the streets (which is rather undesirable). If she still isn't accepting, well at that point, you need to find a job you like more without her support. If she leaves, so be it. You'll know her true intentions at that point, and can move onto someone worth being married to. If she doesn't leaves and adjusts, then maybe she had some irrational fear or was just plain scared of change. Either way, you live in your body, not her, and you need to do what makes you happy, even if that means loosing her (in which case you'll probably be doubly as happy because you'll have a job you like and won't have her nagging).
How long have you two been married? Children? Does your wife work also? Does she spend the money you earn on $500 purses?
If my husband asked me this question I would feel so sad,but I would also look at my behavior to see what made my husband ask this.
Staying at your current job is intolerable...Why is this? I'm just curious. Do you feel like a number? Are you not treated with respect? Six-figures...Is your happiness and sanity worth it? You are extremely educated, you probably have a nice nest egg saved up. Is it an option to take some time off and just relax and breathe? If your into it...maybe talking to a therapist would be beneficial.
Have you always felt this way about your job? Or is this something new?
Your wife is using every psychological trick in the book? Um, Might want to visit with a therapist about this. This doesn't sound healthy and quite frankly...normal.
Are you an attorney? I'm sure this didn't help at all,but I do wish you and your wife the best.
Six-figures...money isn't everything is it....
This is difficult to answer since your job pays very well, but you feel like you're wife is taking advantage of your paycheck. I can see her point about doing something meaningful and that you like to do (since you hate your job), if she says it's just a 'hobby', well, isn't it though? You gotta keep in mind that your paycheck is supporting the both of you, not just her.. so if you go for a more exciting job that pays less, would you be happy? Would it be better for the both of you down the long run? Quitting a job that pays well is a big decision, if you absolutely hate it, leave it. But if it will drastically damage your relationship if you leave your job, I would think twice.
You are stuck in a rut. You describe your current job as boring and meaningless. Think for a minute what an exciting wonderful career or opportunity would be for you. Then go get it. This is YOUR life and you only get to live it just this one time. Think about that. I understand you make decent money right now and may not be able to get that at another job. You "upsized" your life to accomodate your job, if you need to '"downsize" it to be happy then that is what you need to do. Go with what's in your heart and feel it. Bring yourself to where you want to be in life. Your wife should welcome a change in your career with open arms and enjoy your happiness as well. The "things" your income provides you with now are simply just that..................."things". You can't take them with you when you die. Did you see the movie The Bucket List with Jack Nicholson? Now is the time! What are you waiting for??????? You can't worry about your wife's reactions. If she is in this for the long haul, and for better or worse, then she'll adapt.
The real question Mr. PhD is do you love you? Life is whatever you make it. How important is the money to you? Is it worth the misery that you are experiencing? If so, stay on the job and put up with your wife's ridiculous and disrespectful demands and continue to let the joy of life pass you by. Or if you want to live, search inside and find the life you want to lead and attract the people to support that life. As for your wife, psychological trick? If you know this, change it! You sound so defeated. Once she see's the positive change and the happiness that you display, either she will support you or continue to be a thorn in your side. Either way, the decision will be yours to keep that in your life or not. STAND UP! and be someone!
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